Neat Nipples:Importance Of

So you think you’ve been objectified on account of your boobs huh? Not as much as our poor pigs. To them it’s not a matter of irritation or writing to the Everyday Sexism Project; to them it’s a matter of life or death.

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You see, a good pig’s nipples line up. Perfectly spaced, equal nipples mean that piglets feed better from their mum.  Somewhat brutally, if a pig doesn’t have the right nipples she’s not good mum material. And if you’re not good mum material you’re off to the slaughterhouse. Which is just about the most sexist thing in the world, non?

Well, non, actually. Because it’s just as bad for boys. Although they might not be able to have or feed their own piglets, they don’t get away with dodgy nipples either, because when they breed they pass on physical characteristics. If their nipples aren’t up to scratch they’re off to the slaughterhouse too.

Here I am quite literally playing god, as Andrew turns the pig over and asks me to judge their teats. He then sprays them according to whether they’re keepers or not.  Boy pigs, girl pigs, they’re all treated the same. Which is, at least, equality. Of a really gruesome kind.

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